Captive Will
by Titan of Saturn
Summary: AU; Iruka's mind is broken and his body held captive. 'It takes Iruka a long time to make the connection of past-Kabuto and present-Kabuto, far too long, and for the first time since he was brought here Iruka wonders what is wrong with him.'


Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ and am not making any profit by writing and posting this story. Thank you and please review.

—TS

* * *

Iruka is not sure what it means. He doesn't understand the significance. He thinks that's because of the painkillers that Yuki gave him, after finally becoming convinced that quieting his screams and keeping their location hidden was worth dulling his senses. Iruka doesn't remember why he was screaming. He's not sure that's because of the painkillers. 

His vision comes in and out of focus, but he doesn't sleep. He's exhausted and wishes that he could, but for some reason oblivion isn't granted. This doesn't seem strange to him.

A young doctor visits him regularly, he thinks. He's called Kabuto and Iruka doesn't know who he is. Except that, maybe he does, because there was this student once that was also called Kabuto and looked alarmingly similar. It takes Iruka a long time to make the connection of past-Kabuto and present-Kabuto, far too long, and for the first time since he was brought here Iruka wonders what the hell is wrong with him.

When Kabuto shows up the next time, he is still out of it enough to ask. The silver-haired doctor looks very pleased that he did. He explains it to Iruka, and Iruka feels like this isn't the first time Kabuto's done that. Still, he understands nothing of what is said, and Kabuto leaves without looking pleased.

It takes three and two and some visits from Kabuto he forgot to count before he realizes he's not tied up. Iruka is sure, suddenly, that it's not supposed to be like that. He even remembers being held against his will, anchored in place by burning coils in his skin of something that wasn't rope and his head being sliced open by the freezing sharp edges of something that wasn't a kunai. The memory hits him so hard he passes out, finally, but it seems only seconds before he is hauled awake by the doctor who is looking pleased again.

Iruka is asked to describe his symptoms – how he feels, Kabuto explains at his blank look – and Iruka understands what he is asking but can't seem to feel his body enough to answer. He stutters out a weak 'confused' and Iruka hears his voice crack but doesn't know why. Kabuto looks pleased and presses a cup of something wet against his lips as a reward.

It's water, he realizes, and Iruka is suddenly so thirsty that the whole inside of his body feels dry. He tries desperately to get more, _now_, but the doctor makes him drink it slowly. When he's done, Iruka notices that he writes something down on a clipboard before he leaves.

Eight more visits go by – he can count them now – and he's been given water on every occasion and food three times. The first two times he didn't keep it down, but the third time he did. He's figured out that he's visited by the doctor twice a day, and that he'd not tied down but he should be, and that he's recovering from something serious but he doesn't know what. Iruka can't figure out if he's in a hospital or a cell, but he does know that he shouldn't be here. He should be tied up.

Every time he thinks of that, he returns to a memory of restrains made of fire and weapons made of ice, except that now he also remembers desperate fighting and sharp pain and terrible grief and agonizing fear and a pair of haunting eyes. Iruka doesn't mention any of it to Kabuto.

Fourteen visits after the first time he keeps food down and six visits after the first time he sleeps, Iruka tries to escape. He knows that here is not safe. He thinks that there is somewhere else he should be. Iruka is spurred on by the image of a blonde boy wearing orange whose name he does not know, and the name Yuki that has no face.

He slips out of what he's determined is an infirmary prison and makes his way through the underground labyrinth unseen. He has the urge to fell a random ninja and take his weapons, but he's sure that's not a good idea. Iruka doesn't think he could use them right anyway, but when he happens across an untended katana he picks it up.

Iruka passes up three different opportunities that could have been escape, but he doesn't know why. He must get away from here, because here was dangerous. But at the same time, Iruka is compelled to stay. To find something. To find _someone_ that was here and knew in his bones he couldn't leave unless he did.

When he's found, enough time has passed that he's become hungry. Iruka can't count the days, because he's gotten no visits from Kabuto, but he knows it was a long time if he's hungry.

Iruka tries not to get caught, and when he's found by what appears to be a search party, he fights. The katana suddenly feels right in his grip, the texture and shape of the hilt and the razor edge of the blade stirring a familiarity in him that wasn't there when he first picked it up. The familiarity is short lived, though, because he soon finds the weapon is too heavy and too long to be used the way his body knows how. Iruka realizes that this is not _his_ weapon, because a katana is not a kodachi.

When the katana becomes stuck in the chest of an enemy, Iruka leaves it behind without a second thought. He instead uses his enemy's weapons, kunai and shuriken, and he wields them like the expert that he probably is. He avoids the traps set for him with ease, and then uses them to set his own.

Iruka doesn't wonder how he knows how to do these things. He's known that he is a ninja since he realized he was unbound, and he's known what a ninja is since he began to sleep.

It takes what seems like a long time – Iruka's vision is unsteady and he's slipped more than once – before he is finally overwhelmed and captured. This time, he is bound. They do a horrible job of it, though he's unsure if that's the haste or because it's hard to get a grip on skin that's slick with blood and sweat.

Iruka is dragged before a man with yellow eyes. He lets out a harsh breath of realization, and the man's lips twist into a smile. He laughs, and glides down from what could be a throne. He asks if Iruka knows him.

Of course – of course, how could Iruka _not_ know him? He is a shinobi of the Leaf, he is a Chunin charged with the protection of his village and its people. There is no way he does not know who this man is, even if he isn't yet sure of his own identity. Of course.

_Orochimaru._

The name is hissed between his teeth like a curse. Something in him breaks, explodes, collapses. Iruka knows himself, finally. He doesn't understand everything; his mind is still fractured and unhealed and slow to comprehend. But he understands who he _is_; Umino Iruka, leaf ninja, shinobi, academy teacher, Anbu guardian, friend, father figure, student – everything and nothing that matters except that he knows what it truly means.

He is an enemy of this man. That is all that matters. He is an enemy of every man and woman here, allied with Sound – _part_ of Sound. And Iruka will die before he gives them any information.

Information? Who said anything about using you for information?

The words have trouble registering, murky and faded and insidious, painfully cold and sharp, bypassing Iruka's ears all together. They don't seem to be words at all.

The back of his neck burns lowly. His body begins to seize, but Iruka manages to control it enough to stay on his feet, muscles twitching.

Orochimaru sees, and smiles. He speaks again, like before: Does it hurt? Has your body and mind betrayed you? Tell me, Umino, why are you still here? Why haven't you escaped yet?

The words are disorienting and confusing, because Iruka knows Orochimaru said them but he doesn't _hear_ anything. They're painful in a way Iruka can't comprehend, like he is being forced to understand the shape of the words instead of the sounds, tearing their way forth like shards of ice.

And he knows why he hasn't left. Even if his mind is fractured and can't be trusted, Iruka can't do anything but follow it; follow his instincts, what his body knows and has memorized even when Iruka himself doesn't know it. That is why he's still here. Something indefinable told him he had to find someone first, just as something told him he was a captive patient and that something is wrong with him and that the katana didn't feel right because his weapon is the kodachi. It is the same, and if his mind can not support him, then Iruka has to trust his instincts.

Orochimaru laughs. No, your purpose is not for information. It is for advancement. Iruka hears the shape of the words again, without the sound, but he also hears Orochimaru laughing. He hears both at the same time, both things coming from the man/monster before him. It is impossible. Iruka's mind tells him so.

But his mind is shattered. He can not trust it. He can only trust what he is experiencing, and that tells him he is hearing two things from the same man at once. So it is not impossible.

He realizes why: Iruka is not hearing them the same way. The words are freezing and painfully sharp, without sound, and Iruka doesn't really hear them so much as _feel_ them, in his head. But the laugh is normal, audio, being perceived by his brain through his ears just like it's supposed to.

_What is this?_

Some switch inside of him is flipped. The low burning at the back of his neck turns into fire and _spreads_, squirming outward beneath his skin and leaving behind lines of pain, hot tendrils seeking every corner of his body and leaving nothing unmarked. Iruka screams and makes the connection; body convulsing as it's taken over and rope tearing from the strain of his thrashing, empowered limbs. The flashback takes hold of him with gripping intensity, and when it releases him the process is over.

He falls to his knees when his legs give out. The twisting black lines decorating Iruka's body are starkly visible against skin white from time underground. Far too much time; spent being broken and put back together and broken again, over and over – the dance that has been choreographed and perfected by them, with Iruka unaware and broken each time.

When he tries to lift an arm he finds he can not move. Just like before. But for the first time, Iruka is truly aware of what has happened, of why he can not move, of the missing-nin in front of him who controls his every action. Iruka still knows who he is. His mind hasn't fractured again. It is not a blessing.

Orochimaru laughs.


End file.
